Quotes of the Week

JamBase commissioned me to go see John Mayer on Monday, which was weird. I’d spent some time reading his recent Playboy and Rolling Stone (too paranoid about the decline of print media to put the story online…) interviews, so I was sitting in the audience watching this suave rock star after just reading way more details about his sex life than I ever wanted to know (and zilch about his music).

My favorite moment? We all know the quaint litany of life lessons that includes "dance like nobody's watching", right? Attributed to everyone from Mark Twain to Satchel Paige, appropriated by everyone from Shirley MacLaine to Keller Williams. Between songs, Mayer stumbled upon his own version: "Dance like somebody's silently judging you, smile like there's a gun to your head."

It was funny at the time.

But the real winner for the week (and if there were a real award, he'd win it damn near every week) is Art Kumbalek, my favorite expert on anything ever, who has come up with perhaps his greatest invention yet, the Home Drinking Helmet. Furthermore:

"Hey, if I attached a pint-sized videocam to the helmet, I could collect Drinking-Helmet tapes from around the world and peddle the most spectacular ones to some kind of Focks network reality show, who ought to jump out of their drawers for the chance to pay me for the rights to 'The World’s Deadliest Self-Inflicted Drunken Boo-Boos and Oopsies!' And if they didn’t want it, I’m sure the History Channel or Discovery Channel would bite, ain’a?"

I'd sure as hell watch that show. Genius.

Have a great weekend, everybody!